Nation Mourning Death of American Hero

By Dan Longarino
   
Where to start when remembering Dan Longarino? Perhaps one of the most iconic individuals in world history, Longarino finally lost his battle with time, passing away last night at the age of 105.

Longarino's legacy began in 2013 when he was only twenty years old and he single-handedly saved the world from a nuclear war. After several threats to the United States from North Korea, Longarino flew into the country and intimidated leader Kim Jong-Un to dismantle all nuclear weapons and stand down as supreme leader.

Others might remember Longarino as a result of his presidency from 2030-2038, during which he came up with a budget plan that got the U.S out of debt, dropped the unemployment percentage to .01% and led the campaign for the World Peace Treaty which was signed by all countries in 2037. When Congress offered to change the Constitution to allow Longarino to run for a third term, he respectfully declined.

After his term ended, Longarino took Hugh Hefner's place as owner of the Playboy mansion. He enjoyed the rest of his years there, meeting several of his wives at the mansion and settling down. Unfortunately, time catches up to all of us and he passed away in the mansion last night.

While Longarino was frozen with the hopes of one day being revived, his life will be celebrated at a few different locations. Tonight a private wake will be held at the mansion for family and close friends only. Tomorrow a funeral service will be held at the White House and will be broadcasting world wide on every channel. Many world leaders are expected to say a few words in his honor.

Longarino's closest family and friends have stated that he would not want people mourning his death, but celebrating his life. As a result, as of this morning, the White House has declared March 26 Longarino Day, where all businesses and schools will be closed and a parade will be held in his honor.